One (of the many) thing(s) I have learned while living here is that Germans, as a whole, NEVER apologize. They never admit fault, they nearly always fight back if accused of something and seem altogether hard and tough on the outside. But also, nearly every single time, you scratch the surface of the tough exterior and they are lovely, genuine, friendly people.
Unfortunately, it is hard to remember that all you need to do is scratch the surface when your day to day interactions with strangers here don't allow you the opportunity to dig any deeper. Their "never say sorry" attitude reminds me of what I was always told if you are in a car accident. Never apologize. Check to make sure everyone is OK, sure, but don't apologize and never admit fault.
Several perfect examples. In the grocery store (why does this always come up? The grocery store? I tell you it is STILL the source of most of my stress here. I do understand German a bit better but it never really was about my lack of language. It is just a completely different cultural experience here. In the US if someone accidentally bumps you with their cart, typically both the bumper and the bumpee would say "oh, I'm sorry" Then both smile and move on. Even if both thought the other one was at fault, what good comes from bitching at someone for bumping you or bitching because somehow you thought the person was in your way. There is typically a quick apology on both sides and then both parties move along. Not here... The other day a man barely bumped into the back of a woman in line at the grocery store. She turned around and snarled at him "well, the line is not going to go any faster if you bump into me!" He then with no thought of an apology replied "I didn't think it was going to go faster I was just making room for the people behind me" they both huffed and grumped and then checked out and went on with their day. Neither side apologizing, both feeling that they were completely in the right and there was no gain in time or self dignity.
Another example, the other day the bus came a few minutes early. One of the riders complained to the driver for taking off too early. Did she have a watch? Was she waiting for someone? I do not know but she complained to the driver for the next 4 stops. He never apologized. He asked her to please stop yelling at him while he was driving. She didn't apologize. She just kept on yelling. FOR FOUR MORE STOPS. It was crazy. They do not back down and they do not apologize.
We have had one pretty major apology since living here. So maybe when they really know they are wrong they go overboard. I had gone grocery shopping. While paying with my (equivalent to a debit) card I saw on the register read out that it was 51 Euro. I thought what the heck? How did I spend 51 Euro. We go nearly every day, every 3rd day at the VERY least and we spend around 20-30 Euro each time. How could I have spent 51!! I had bought a pound of coffee which I only buy about once a month, some cleaner and other non- daily items but there was no way I spent 51! I was not going to try to explain it to the hot and bothered checker because there was an equally hot and bothered German customer right behind me waiting for me to move so they could hurriedly stuff their purchases into their bag. But I took the receipt and was going to think through my limited German on how I was going to return whatever was making my bill so high. But then I looked and it said 31 Euro. I blamed it on my bad eyes and rode my bike home not giving it another thought. Marty who reconciles every bill and purchase asked me a day or two later what I bought at the store because it was 51 Euro (it really was nearly double what we have ever spent at the store so it really did stand out) Then I dug out the receipt. It had in very large numbers the 31 Euro. But then underneath in really super small print it said I was charged 51 Euro. I stated that I had asked and received 20 cash back. Marty and I went in and talked to someone about it. They didn't apologize. We figured they wouldn't. The assured us that they would look into it. We figured we were out the 20 Euro. We went back in a couple days later. They were OVERLY nice to us. Apologized once or twice, gave us our 20 Euro back AND a bunch of flowers!! So, I guess when they feel like they are in the wrong they really do apologize. They must not normally ever feel that they are in the wrong.
I'm still very much American and this idea of not apologizing is still (thankfully) very foreign to me and my family (thankfully!!) All 4 of us are very VERY quick to apologize when he have done something wrong within our family or with others. I've always known that we are all quick to ap so I'd like to apologize for being so far behind in the blog. I know a lot of people have read this throughout our journey and then with school and life and guests, I just got too far behind and felt like I'd never catch up. But I reminded myself that this is kind of like our journal and even now, even just less than a year from our original move here, it is really quite remarkable to be able to look back 6 or 9 months ago and see photos of what we were doing and read how we were feeling so I'm trying to play catch up. I'm going to date them when they happened and not the day I'm writing (today is actually June 6th but I'm dating it May 3rd to keep it chronologically accurate.)
So, I'm Sorry!! Why are those two words so incredibly difficult for the Germans to say? I hope we as a family don't lose the ability for a quick and easy sorry!!
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