Sleep

Sleep is not a word that I say much anymore without a lot of emotion behind it.   This, of course, is because of this cute little guy who just has had a thing against sleep.  I know there must be a lot of babies/toddlers who don't like sleep otherwise there wouldn't be countless books, discussion groups, etc. dedicated to the topic.   Josie was an amazing sleeper so we were spoiled and skewed and not at all ready for the sleep despising ways of Benjamin.
He was a pretty typical baby up until he was 3 months old at which point he fought sleep with everything in his being.  His eyes would be so heavy with sleep but the minute they closed he would jerk them back open and look at me like, "how could you let me fall asleep like that!!"  For the rest of his first year he took three 20 minute naps per day and woke every 2 hours at night.  Needless to say we were both pretty tired.  At around 4 or 5 months I brought him into bed with us because getting out of bed and going downstairs, calming him down and getting him back to sleep 4+ times a night just got to be too much.  It was a move about of pure survival. I know many people who sit very strongly and comfortably in the "cry it out" camp and thought I was crazy for not letting him just get over it.  I wasn't really against the cry it out method but I wasn't necessarily for it either.  I do have to say that every child is different and I have to believe that even those that align with that method would not have let this kid cry it out. His cries were not frustrated or sad or whiny, they were downright terrified.  It was heartbreaking.  After his seizure episode I was even less likely to be far from him during sleep in case he had a seizure at night. Around 2 years old he starting having night terrors.  He always had small ones, as he transitioned from one sleep cycle to another but while we were in Europe last year,  they began in full force.  Which was really nice while staying in hotels rooms or with family - NOT!!! He would wake up several times a night screaming (as if his hand was on a hot burner) for about 20 minutes at a time.  He looked awake but was out of it as if sleep walking.  Out of our 16 night trip, probably 10 of those nights he had a night terror.  When we returned he seemed even more afraid to fall asleep. Who could blame him? I was afraid too.  So, he began refusing naps but was so incredibly tired and everything I read was that night terrors were exacerbated by lack of sleep...go figure!  The only way he would nap and thus avoid a night terror was either in the stroller (see photos) - when the weather got cold we bundled him up - or in the car.  He would end up sleeping for nearly 2 hours (30 minutes in stroller or car and 1.5 after being transferred to a bed.)  But because I didn't want to drive or walk for a long time I'd wait until later in the afternoon to start the nap which meant he was waking at 4 and then not falling asleep until 9:30 or 10. 

Around the holidays I couldn't always squeeze a nap in our busy days.  I noticed that he wasn't having night terrors.  So we took out naps entirely.  With a HUGE sigh of relief we are all getting much more sleep these days. He falls asleep within a few minutes of finishing books and sleeps much more soundly at night. I know this because he still sleeps right next to me :)  He still fights sleep and literally falls asleep with his eyes open.  It is a strange thing to witness. He is what I like to call "cling wrap" and cuddles up close.  Co-sleeping was never our intention and without having a child like Benjamin I wouldn't have fully understood its purpose. It has been a LOOONNG road but am thankful to be in a new, better place.  We are hoping for his upcoming third birthday to get him a bed (I gave away his crib/toddler bed about 9 months ago because it was just taking up space.  He hadn't slept in it in so long it seemed silly to keep it.)  He says he wants rockets ships on his new bed and glow in the dark stars on the ceiling...whatever you want, little buddy, whatever you want.