Push Pull

Ever since arriving I feel like I am always pushing when I should be pulling.  This can definitely be a metaphor for all of life here but now I'm referring specifically to the doors.  I swear they are all opposite of how they would be in the U.S.  9.5 times out of 10 I push when I should pull or vice versa.
After Benjamin's first few days at school he pointed out that the green labels

are "push" and the red ones are [stop] and pull.  Ever since he told me this I swear it has become a bit easier.
It is interesting because I told myself that I should just learn the two words in German for Push and Pull since they are generally on the doors but then I thought that I probably wouldn't stop and read it even if I knew the word.  Well, I was proven wrong when I was in Spain.  Even if I just saw a part of the word or even just a letter or two I knew if I needed to push (empujar) or pull (tirar)  I never pushed when I should have pulled in Spain.
Speaking of Spain and now that I've been back in Germany a couple of weeks I realized that my really turbulent couple of days shortly after returning were in part because I was able to be myself in Spain in a way that I'm not able to do here.  I was able to talk to anyone and ask directions, talk to wait staff in a restaurant, talk to the person working in a train station and even do a return transaction. 

I was able to laugh, make small talk and joke and most certainly be me in a way that I can't here and coming back to Germany highlighted how much of myself that I'm not able to embrace here while I'm out in public.  I also noticed that my personality is so much more in line with the culture in Spain than it is in Germany.  I'm loud, I'm affectionate, I'm friendly and smiley for the most part.  All of these things I saw on the streets in Madrid and I do not see them here in Berlin.  I reminded Marty that when we very first talked about our dream to move to Europe for a year it was supposed to be 6 months (the warmer ones) in Berlin and 6 months in Spain.  This was before kids or before they were of school age.  Clearly that plan wouldn't work with kids in school but sometimes I do wonder how this whole experience would be for me if we were living in a country where I could speak the language and surrounded by a culture that was more in line with who I innately am as a person.